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How does this all have changed so dramatically?

“With difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character. ”
- Peter Devries

We can only appreciate the profundity of this report if we understand what is meant by CHARACTER.

“It’s easy to understand personality.” Your “personality” is how people experience you. This is your public persona.

But what is “character?” And why the “character” is it so important in your marriage?

Character is who you are when no one is watching.

Let me say that even so you can read it slowly and really digest it this time.

Character is who you are when no one is watching.

You see, when you and your spouse met, you have experienced personality. You showed that you and your spouse have been shown by your spouse your public personal. I’m not saying that you cheated. It’s just your personality … how you show to others.

But the marriage lasted too long in the quarters too close for anyone to support a public entity. Personalities eventually lead to an inner self that gets mentioned for the first time. And there you each stand, naked as if no one is watching. But someone is watching. And that’s when you meet for the first time … again!

You and your spouse do not meet the person who charmed everyone’s friends, bought gifts for the parents of each, and always smile from ear to ear. No, this time it’s a meeting of your characters.

In many cases, not only that you are meeting for the first time, but you are meeting YOURSELF for the first time.

Most people would not be caught completely treating everyone the way they treat their spouse. Most people do not recognize their own behavior. “I’m just not myself with him / her. “Well then who is this person? It’s YOU … it’s your character. (And your spouse meets their character.)

The reason so many people fail at marriage and an attempt to re-marriage is not that they do not like their spouse. Is that they do not like each other. And while everyone else in their life is like a mirror reflecting their personality, their partner is a mirror that reflects their character. And most people do not like what they see.

Many people choose rather to be with someone other than remain with their spouse and should continue to be with themselves. (You got that?)

Balthasar Gracian wrote in his textbook of XVII century on the success, the art of worldly wisdom, as follows: “You are as much a real person you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the interior is two times larger than the surface. There are people who are all facade, like a house left unfinished when the funds run out. They have the entrance of a palace but the inner rooms of a house. ”

The renewal of marriage and the individual development of character go together. If you want to improve one, the other work too.
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